THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO HARUHI
Presented by dj_de
WHAT TRICKERY IS THIS?
A guide for answering the more common questions that people have about
the animu "The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi." Newcomers to the Haruhi
thread consistently ask the same questions over and over again that
have been answered for ages and have been discussed to death. Hopefully
this can prevent those posts that interrupt our discussion of
relationship dynamics in Haruhi fetish doujin.
THE QUESTIONS
1. "So, I just finished watching this
show but I realized that they never explained why THAT CAT was talking!
I've read the thread <where it's been answered repeatedly> and
didn't see it mentioned. What's going on?"
IF I SEE SOMEONE TALKING ABOUT THAT FUCKING CAT ONE MORE TIME. His name
is Shamisen. The circumstances of the cat are explained in novel 2:
<spoiler>While making the student film, Haruhi's god powers are
out of control and have warped reality completely; everything she wants
to happen comes true. After finding Shamisen, she demands that he
talks, which of course he doesn't. After she leaves, he starts to
casually talk to Koizumi, Kyon and Mikuru. Kyon is eventually charged
with taking it home and ends up taking it in.</spoiler>
2. "Just started rewatching Haruhi to
get some of the subtleties of it, and I just noticed something I didn't
at all my first time through. You'll have to pardon my pointing it out,
but...
Who *IS* this mystery girl? In the translated novels and the anime, I haven't seen anyone who looks like her..."
Yes you did, she was in a very forgettable role. In episode 7, she's
the supposed girlfriend of the computer club president that has gone
missing. The most likely role is: another subordinate to Yuki.
3. "WHAT THE HELL THIS FIRST EPISODE FUCKING SUCKS AND IS BORING"
It's not the "real" show. It's supposed to be the student film that
Haruhi makes from the school festival. <spoiler>It's also a
mircocosm of the show as a whole as the characters in the movie play as
who they are in real life.</spoiler>
4. "THIS SHOW FUCKING SUCKS AND YOU SUCK AND WHY DOES ANYONE LIKE IT"
"Yes I'm talking that anime The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. It
fucking sucks. Now it's pretty popular among the anime circles, and yet
this poor excuse for an animated feature is the worst thing ever
produced by a human being if you except Plan 9 from Outer Space, and
I'm being generous.
First you gotta admit you hated the first episode. It made no sense,
sucked as shit, wasn't funny, edgy or new. Or original. Animation
sucked dead dogs' balls. Characters sucked dead dogs' balls. Voice
actiong sucked dead dogs' balls. But you managed to make it through the
whole pile of steaming poo just to see the ED. BEcause that's what this
anime is about. It's about the ED. Those 1 minute and a half. There's
nothing else to it. You went like "OMG ANIMATION LIEK" you freaking
retards and now everyone likes it. Yet it's shit. It's complete shit
with no redeeming qualities. There's fucking nothing to it. Just the
dance at the end. It's a dancing anime. A fucking retarded danxcing
anime with no story and nothing and no characters it sucks. You
shouldn't like it you morons seriously. Just download the ED and loop
it on your WMP you cockass faggot asses. DAMN I wish all those threads
about HARUHI OMG YEAH would go one and everyone in them die FUCK YOU
for polluting my forums HARUHI FUCK YOU.
AND NO IT'S NOT A COPY PASTA I'VE JUST TYPED THIS WHOLE THING.
FUCK YOU"
- Anonymous
5. "WHAT THE DEAL WITH THAT MOLE ON KYON'S NECK THAT KOIZUMI LOOKS AT????"
It's meaningless. It's just to show that Koizumi doesn't care about
what Kyon's saying at that moment and is paying attention to other shit
instead.
Homosexual interpretation: Koizumi is dreaming about licking Kyon's sweet mole.
6. "WHAT'S WITH THE SHADOW HARUHI SEE'S IN THE OCEAN/THE WAVE SCREEN EFFECT IN THE CAVE IN LONE ISLAND SYNDROME 2?"
Nobody really knows about the screen effect. At that point, Haruhi
figures out what truly would have happened if the murder was real
<spoiler>Kyon, Koizumi, Butler would have driven the knife into
him when they broke down the door</spoiler>. One guess is Haruhi
changed the events at the point that make everything turn out it was
fake so her friends would not be in trouble or it simply means nothing.
The later is probably true considering that in the novels Haruhi
doesn't have the revelations at all and they don't get stuck in the
cave for whatever time. The shadow is probably the true culprit that
Haruhi created to believe that none of her friends were responsible.
7. "I find Haruhi to be interesting for some reason..."
"People idolize over Haruhi Suzymiya because she acts like a guy. You
ever wish you could have a girl as a friend, just to hang out with like
one of the guys? A girl that would have the same interests as
you, the same enthusiasm, the same keen observations and sense of
adventure? How about a girlfriend that you could just hang out
with, have fun with, and not have to listen to her whine and complain
and leak. Haruhi Suzymiya is that ideal "hang out with"
girl. She has fans because she has all the best traits of a guy
friend you can hang out with, only she happens to be a girl.
Understand that when people idolize over Haruhi Suzymiya, they idolize
over the personality of a cool guy friend in a girl's body- an ideal
friend/partner who has the best of both worlds, and would be nearly
impossible to find. "
- Anonymous
8. "HOW COME THE GRASS BLOWS BACK IN HARUHI'S FACE HUH???"
Even though Haruhi acted like she was angry at Kyon and threw the grass
at him, she subconciously didn't want to, so the wind changed and blew
the grass back at her to prevent it.
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I think these are all the important things.